The lowest depth of misery is the loss of a loved one. It was the only time I ever considered suicide as a viable option to life. It was not in my thinking an attempt to join with Kathleen in her realm as energy, but in truth, I was uncertain if I could go on living without her. Life without her was something I could not even imagine.
The loss of a loved one whether it is a child, a close friend, a parent, or a spouse is one of life’s most devastating experiences. All the plans and dreams we made to travel, to explore, to share the same home, all disappeared with her death. Instantaneous and overwhelming shock is all I could feel initially. Then I would remember the good times because that is all we shared, all that I had left. It was those memories which kept me alive. Those memories and her words to me in a dream that I would find another love as great as the one we shared.
And I did. I found a greater love for myself and for life. A greater appreciation of all the gifts, joys, sorrows, and pain life presented me with. A greater euphoria in being alive. All of which were inspired by her death, because I continued to live our dreams without her as best I could. I lived most of them alone and some with other partners, but all in her memory. “When all that remain are memories, remember to remember me.”
Kathleen died a month short of her seventieth birthday.