I Am Selfish

I am selfish. I stand alone from the crowd and guard that aloneness and love for solitude with my very existence. I do this to preserve me, myself. Without it, a different me comes into being. A being that placates to the wishes and desires of others before my own. I know this other person as well as I know myself because he existed as a strong part of who I was for a long time. Like me, he is a good person too. Unlike me, he gives his precious time upon this earth freely to others. He does what they want him to do rather than doing what I want to do.

People generally like him more than me because he goes along with the crown. I on the other hand am only appreciated by a few, but those few are dear to me. Those, who like myself, thrive in their individual solitude. O’ we have friends but general prefer our own company to that of others. These are the individuals I chose to share time with and can do so without a feeling of sacrifice. They understand the need for solitude. Others think of me as aloof and I am, but by choice, not circumstance.

When I let the guard down around the mote of my solitude and join the crowd in some undesired adventure, not always, but usually I end up resenting that decision. Resentment is a rather strong word because it is founded in the past and I cannot reclaim lost time. Time is only present, but if I am going to waste my time, I want to waste it doing something I want to do. Then it is not wasted time at all. It is creative time. When I sit at a window starring at the world, I am using this time creatively. There is always something going on inside this head on mine. For me, it is just as active an activity as going shopping is for the crowd.

Creative people use time differently than most, and our creativeness is best served by solitude. At least this is how it works for me. There are socially creative people who thrive in the center of the crowd and move along with it at the crowd’s pace. Those of us who love our solitude move along at our own pace. Time is a gift to be appreciated and not a commodity to exhaust.

So there I am in a nutshell. I am selfish with my time because I so love my solitude, and I protect this gift for my creative existence in the same manner a mother of any species protects her young, as best I can.